Sunday, January 22, 2017

Dumb cookie

The things about gossip is that it eventually gets back to the person being gossiped about.
I’ve been trying to keep the specific circumstances behind my breakup private, telling only a few of my closest friends what happened. 
I haven’t blogged about it in detail, i even quit twitter because i didn’t want to accidentally overshare in a weak moment.
It was so heartbreaking to me that i just wanted it to be private. 
Between me and him and those i trust.
But, due to circumstances beyond my control, everyone knows.
The world is a village, and you can’t stop people talking.
And i'm sure some people feel that since i share a lot of other personal stories about myself, my personal life is fair game. I get that.
So i have no hard feelings towards those who, for whatever reason, choose to talk about me. 
But last night, when i was lying awake crying until four in the morning, reliving the worst parts of the breakup and feeling utterly defeated and hopeless about the future because the gossip came back around to me, that didn't matter much.
It just really fucking sucked.
Almost as if it just happened yesterday, i was right back where i started. 
So much for making progress.

Today was better than i could have hoped, though.
I had coffee in bed. I worked out for an hour.
I reached out to my best friends and spent the whole day with them, basically. 
Going out to coffee and lunch with one, having a paint night with the other.
I made my lunch for the coming work week. Vegetable curry.
I kept going as i always do, despite feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, and a general lack of faith in other humans.
What else are you gonna do?

Pictures from the states, as usual.
A place so surreal that i'm starting to buy into the theory of the world being a simulation.
It feels more comforting than thinking that this is actually real life and that we, they, did this to ourselves.

Ps. The comments on my last post were beautiful. I have strong and eloquent readers.

1 comment:

  1. You know, I found your blog a long time ago. I liked to take a peek at your life because of your style which is so refreshing. And the beautiful pics. And now, I just wanted to let you know that you and your blog have helped me. At this point in my life when I am myself dealing with a horrible, heartbreaking end of something so important to me, I find it genuinly uplifting to know that you could survive it and actually keep going. It helps me hope that it is truly possible to do. That I will keep going despite how much pain I am in and how much of a struggle the simple things are to me right now. Thank you for sharing.