Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Stars, unaligned

I think i've mentioned it before, but in my experience, 2014 was the year of break ups. 
Not just for me, obviously, but for so many supposedly solid couples in my circle of friends that all of a sudden fell apart without much warning.
Most of us were severely wounded, some of us more than once, and we thought we'd never recover, but most of us came out stronger and a lot of us became closer.
Now, in 2015, i've been sensing something similar. 
It's not a year of big dramatic breakups, but perhaps more like a year of sadness? 
A year of uncertainty, or depression even? 
Whatever you wanna call it, it seems to be a year that's been hard on sensitive people.

At first i thought me and my closest friends were just affecting each others moods, as friends tend to do, but as i talked to friends from around the world, i was hearing similar stories.
And it wasn't just feelings of seasonal depression, it was something else, something more. 
Something that just made life a lot fucking harder than it's supposed to be.
It made me wonder if we were even responsible for this ourselves, or if something bigger was going on. 

You know me, i'm not particularly spiritual. 
If i believe in anything, it's that everything is connected. 
People especially. 
I started talking to my friends about it, some of whom are skeptics, and some who are spiritual, and they all have their own interesting theories and perspectives.
Some have the alignment of planets as a possible suspect, others the vibrations of a wounded earth. 
Could be something in the air, could be the fact that we live so much of our lives online, detached from our core beings.
Or maybe it's just the damn weather!

I don't know, but whatever it is that's been affecting us, the people with heightened sensitivity, it sure has made the first half of this year tough as hell. 
Sometimes the sadness and loneliness has been almost unbearable, and in my case, as i've definitely mentioned here before, i've just felt so incredibly lost... wanting to just go home, but having no real home to return to.
Feeling like the happy, loving person that i am deep down would never fully surface again.

But recently i've felt a shift. Like maybe my luck, for lack of a better word, has finally taken a turn for the better?
I don't know what changed, besides the weather, getting my dog back, and going on a few not shitty dates, but i feel just a little bit lighter. Like my heart is aching less.
I'm still single, i'm still broke, i'm still 100% unsure of what the fuck i'm gonna do with my life, but at least i don't feel like i'm drowning anymore. 

Shared custody is harder than i thought it would be, and i miss him when he's not here, but i probably also appreciate him more when he is

A few of my most favorite girls, some of whom i'm even lucky enough to live with

I would love to get my hands on some pro nail gear, so i can make this stuff last more than a few days

Lucifer in his sunny corner spot in my bedroom 

Friday night at Bite Club, where the sunset and view of my city gave me the feels

In search for a spice rack, no spice rack to be found

There's always time for photo booth pictures in Berlin... always

And they usually turn out great, especially when they have a dog in them

Got a new accessory for my beloved Canon and i can't wait to try it out

Saturday was crazy hot, and we went to Lake Tegel for a muddy, cold, awesome swim

Our neighborhood ain't a pretty one, but it has a small harbor, and i love being close to water

He clearly missed me the few hours i was gone that night

I had coffee with this beauty today, and luckily June will be full of visits from some of my favorite people

I'm just happier barefoot and wearing shorts... maybe it's as simple as that...