Thursday, March 7, 2013

Feelings and stuff

I've had a sensitive couple of days. That's what i call them. Sensitive.
Some days are just like that; anxiety comes to me easier than normally, little things seems big.
And the big things, cause there are a couple of those too, seem impossible to handle.
And the really sucky thing is, there's rarely just one of them. I should call it a sensitive week instead. That'd be more accurate.
I've had quite a bit of guilt too, guilt over not being perfectly happy, which is ridiculous.
Nobody is perfectly happy all the time, not even now that it's officially spring, and the fact that i made it through the darkest German winter in 60 years with a smile on my face, is quite the accomplishment in itself.
Guilt is lame, and so is anxiety, but i'll live.

Renovations are good.
We've been doing a lot of work on the tattoo room, cause our deadline is approaching fast.
We still have a whole room to start (and finish) so i hope i'll be able to really use my hands soon.
They're better, though, my hands!
Today i put on make-up (cause we were going to an insurance meeting) without my fingers going completely numb, so that was pretty awesome. Not looking like hell is pretty awesome too, i must admit.
I guess i'll never know if it's the acupuncture, or just me not doing shit, that's making them better, but hey, as long as something is happening, right?

We're also still working on our attic, you know the one with the rats (that might actually be pigeons, so maybe birds after all?), and it's coming along great.
I gave my parents a Skype tour, although the internet didn't quite work up there.
I'm gonna enjoy some sunny afternoons in my corner very soon.

Hello kitchen

Hello Lucifer in his new office bed

Today i'm working at the shop.
In the office.
Like a normal person with a job!
Sometimes it's a little too easy to get distracted and go built something, but to be honest, i didn't have much of a reason to be down here before the internet was installed.
I think i'm gonna like it, though, the office.
And i think Lucifer kinda likes it too.


  1. Hush lady, you never look like hell!

    I know how you feel. I had a mini meltdown a few weeks back, where I just cried at Gareth for an hour. I was feeling super guilty that I wasn't more excited about the fact I was getting married in a few weeks and just let it spiral. I felt guilty for feeling guilty, I beat myself up about it and then got depressed over it all. Like you said, nobody is ever perfectly happy all of the time. Once I talked it out and realised it was ok to not be bouncing off the walls about it 24/7, I allowed myself to actually be happy and excited about it. That makes no sense, but brains are stupid.

    Knowing you're being silly is half the battle sometimes. Took me a long time to realise that.

    Hope the springtime brings you more smiles :) x

  2. Yeah, that's pretty much exactly what i've been doing, just with the house. In the beginning i was almost ecstatic about being here, and when the feeling wore off, cause it will eventually, i felt bad for not being constantly excited about finally having my dream home.
    But not feeling it constantly doesn't mean we're not happy or appreciative of what we have, it just means that you can't keep up that ridiculous level of excitement all the time.
    Brains are indeed stupid, but you're awesome, and it's nice to have people out there who can relate :)