Wednesday, October 5, 2011

The short version

Ok, so i already did the official "we went to London" post on the other blog, so i figured i can slack a bit on this one.
It's not that i don't wanna blog here, although i know it may sometimes seem like it, it's just that so much is going on with me, that i feel like i can't write about anything without somehow getting into things that require a deeper explanation. And like most bloggers, i'm always struggling with "too-personal-not-personal-enough" balance.
But in short; i've been having a lot of anxiety this year.
I've been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks for years, but this year it's just gotten so much worse. Sometimes it's so bad that i wonder if my life will ever be normal and fear-free again, and then other days i can hardly remember feeling that way.
The last kind have been few and far between lately.

So to someone like me, an event like a tattoo convention, and even the days leading up to one, can be a complete nightmare, and that's pretty much what i expected London to be.
And in some ways, it didn't disappoint (although i obviously wish it had).
Friday was the worst. I had a day-long panic attach, the longest i've ever experienced, and having to deal with clients and work the booth at the same time was, to put it mildly, extremely uncomfortable.
But Saturday and Sunday got a little better, and i ended up having moments of actual enjoyment. And for me, that's about as good as it gets these days.

Although that was pretty vague and brief, i hope that explains the few pictures, and my not wanting to get into things too much.
Maybe i'll try to write more about the stuff i'm dealing with at another time, i hope i will because writing helps me deal, but i still need to decide what the right amount of personal is.
So for now, this is as much as i feel like sharing about that weekend.

And we're back

Convention family part one

Convention family part two

Allan working and getting interviewed at the same time... there was a lot of that going on this year!

Fucking awesome

Kate took this!

A break by the water

Bringing only one pair of pants will sometimes lead to having to borrow your husbands far too large jeans (also, my belly looks really fat in this picture... i'm hoping it's because i just ate!)

It finally happened!

Walked by here on the way to the airport

As awful as the weekend was for me at times, there was good stuff too.
It was a successful weekend for the shop, as we had one of the busiest booths of the show, and for once we had stickers and business cards too!
We met up with some really great friends, and made some new acquaintances too, which is always nice.
But i am hoping that next year will be easier for me on a personal level. It sure as hell can't get much harder.


  1. Er ked af angsten også bor hos dig! Du er ikke alene! <3 K

  2. Sache que je t'envie A FOOOOOND ! yavais une liste de taré ! :( dégouté

  3. oops oublié la tite pub ! ;) hyper cool ton blog !

  4. Hahaha you're cute. I am SO SORRY you're a panic attack person...I just started getting them a few years ago and it SUUUUUUCKS. It's always before and during big events too. And then sometimes for no reason, like lying in bed trying to sleep.

    If you had only posted the photos it would look like you guys just had the most fun weekend ever! :) I like Allan's braids. Very ... pretty?

  5. I don't generally comment, but I love your blog and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're suffering with anxiety and panic. I can totally empathise as I have problems with those things too. I hope it improves for you - perhaps you could consider talking to a professional about it? They might be able to help you with some practical skills for coping with it when it happens. I'm considering it myself.

    Anyway, you're one of my favourite bloggers and you seem like such an awesome, creative person. Sending you good wishes and hoping you feel better soon.

  6. I had a sort of break down few weeks ago and since then I've been experiencing anxiety and panic attack anxiety and panic attack. I was feeling so bad that having a shower or making a tea was a problem for me. It thought Im going crazy. It took me a time to realize what I was experiencing. I did some research and Im reading a book about at the moment and it helps. Also I was taking herbal tablets called Kalms for a few weeks. They worked too but after few weeks I was feeling sleepy and hangover too so I stopped taking them. Im sure seeing a therapist can help but in the end of the day we need to sort it our the problem ourself, change our thinking and attitude. All the best Flora :) xxx

  7. The book I recommend: 1. "Embracing the Fear Learning To Manage Anxiety & Panic Attacks" by Bemis Judith, Barrada Amr. 2. "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook " by Edmund Bourne. Get them! Hope they will help you :)

  8. Next year we shall go off and do girly fun things like eat ice cream and shop for shoes. I'm sure we can convince/bribe someone to assist Allan, even if its for a few hours :)

    Sorry you're still feeling crappy, I definitely know the feeling :( When I feel just awful, the only thing that sorts me out is putting a film/Buffy on and crawling into bed. Usually after a nap, I'm right as rain again but naps aren't always an option. I hope the yoga helps you.

    Have you tried any herbal remedies? I don't know if you get it in Cph, but lots of Brits swear by Bach's rescue remedy. I'll send you a little care package of some if you want to try it x

  9. Thanks so much for your advice Kameli, I will definitely get those books.
    I tried herbal supplements, but i stopped after an episode last year where they actually made my anxiety worse. I guess they can do that sometimes if you're already in a state of panic. And they do make you sleepy!
    And i agree with you by the way, i loved seeing a therapist and the things i learned there were really interesting, but in the end, we need our own practical tools to help us deal.

  10. Yeah, if it was just feeling crappy, a nap would help, but this has been the real deal, the stuff you can't solve with Buffy (i know, crazy talk!)
    I actually bought that rescue thing in London, even though i don't believe it works. But i believe in placebo effects and my brain is stupid and easily convinced, so i'm hoping it might work because of that!
    But thanks so much for the offer:)

  11. Sorry to hear that, i guess moving can be a huge trigger for these things.
    I tried Modigen (i think it's called? It's Perikon anyway) against winter depression a few years back, and that was really good, but i haven't considered it for anxiety. But i will get some now. Thank you!

  12. en god start er at være ærlig omkring det, har jeg lært! Man kan komme igennem det og komme hel ud på den anden side, men det er hårdt. Du virker som en klog og stærk kvinde, jeg er sikker på at du kan! En masse tanker :) <3

  13. Jeg tror også ærlighed er lettere i det lange løb. Det håber jeg i hvert fald! Tak for tanker.

  14. I've just read this post....I totally understand how hard it can be. When I finished my artschool, I could'nt even go out of my flat even to buy some food. I know how heavy and dark it can be. I think that we don't realize how many people have this kind of problems in a tattoo convention, live concert, etc...but when you talk about the problem, you can see that you're not alone ... :)
    Trust me it's getting better and better. I learned really small things to do with the breath, but there's a lot of techniques to fight this problem. London's convention is very very stressfull, so for a person that has panic attack, and even for someone who doesn't have, it's not that easy! So I think you're brave, because, you staid there even if it was hard.... :)

    Send you a lot of good energy

  15. Thanks so much for your comment, i'm so sorry that you had to go through this too, but i'm glad you're better now.
    Thanks for saying i'm brave, but i'm really not. I do certain things because i have to, and because i don't know how to not do them, but that doesn't mean i'm not a complete mess inside!
    Good energy back to you:)