Monday, September 20, 2010

Miserable me

How personal is too personal?
That's a question i've been struggling with ever since the start of this blog.
I want this blog to be somewhat personal; if it's not personal then it's of no use to me and i might as well stop.
But i want to keep at least a part of my life private.
So much information is out there, about most of us, and sometimes it's a little too much.
I like reading about other peoples lives and personal experiences, but if it gets too personal, it can get distasteful.
And if it gets too shallow, as i fear this blog is too sometimes, it gives people the wrong impression of what your life is really like.
In my opinion.
In short, i wanna share, but i don't wanna be an oversharer.

That sentiment was really put to the test this winter, when i was going through one of the hardest times in my life, physically and emotionally.
I remember needing to vent about my fears, but i decided to not share anything until after the surgery.
And even when i posted about my second time in the hospital that week, i was careful not to get into any gross or traumatizing details.
And as far as i remember, this is the first time i've ever really gotten into how bad i felt, for months after the surgery.
How it wasn't till this summer that i could sleep on the left side of my body again, how i actually never thought i'd get the feeling back in my left ear until one day it just came back, or how much i really fucking hate when people ask about my still very ugly, very visible scar.

Well, now i'm here again, wondering if sharing will make things better or worse?
If the world really needs more of me whining about my health, or if it's just bringing down the overall cheerful tone of this blog?

I don't know, but here goes.
Without getting into the gross details, as usual, i had this... procedure done two weeks ago.
That was pretty neutral, right?
Anyway, it was supposed to minor, but with me, nothing ever is.
I immediately experienced side effects and complications i had no idea excised, and it has made the last two weeks pretty difficult.
And this Saturday the complications seemed to go from bad to worse.
I spent hours just lying on the couch, in pain, unable to do anything, and the exact same thing happened Sunday.
Now, this would be bad enough during a normal work week, but this is the week we're going to London.
Something that's giving me enough anxiety without the prospect of being sick there too.
Conventions in general are pretty stressful for me already, because of my existing health issues, and believe me when i say that i really don't need the added stress of this new thing, whatever it is.
For once, i wish i could just go to a convention and just be there, and be excited about seeing friends and hanging out, and not worry about my crappy body.

Right now i'm at home.
I just talked to the doctor i've been seeing, and they squeezed me in between patients tomorrow morning, so now i'm just hoping that they can do something to ease the pain and make this coming weekend something that i can look forward to, and not dread.

This thing was my bestest friend yesterday... i hope i won't need it today
My other bestest friend, insisting that i take pictures of him and not my new shoes
This awesome shot happened because he tried to get in between me and the shoes, so he could lick my ear
There they are, tall, but surprisingly comfortable (better picture here)

If only i could take Lucifer to London with me.
Or stay home.
Goddammit, i hope this works out before Thursday.


  1. Hej Amalie.
    Jeg synes, det er dejligt, du deler.
    Jeg tumler med mange af de samme helbredsmæssige problemer som dig og synes det er rart, ikke at føle sig alene som et omvandrende sygdomstilfælde.
    Knus Karla

  2. Jeg synes ikke at du over-deler overhovedet, og jeg betragter din blog som alt andet end overfladisk. Jeg håber at du bliver frisk nok til at nyde London, der er lang tid til næste weekend, jeg krydser fingre for dig.
    :-) Sandra

  3. I hope you feel better soon sweetie. I feel so ill at the moment and its really getting me down. And it's only been since Friday, so you must be feeling so crappy :( hope we can cheer you up on sunday!

  4. Very sorry to hear the bad news, :(
    I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

  5. Hey Amalie, everyone´s keeping fingers crossed for you, dont worry, you will be ok, we are thinking of you!
    btw. Lovely Lucifer, Lovely shoes!
    take care

  6. Noen ganger er det godt å få delt ting med helt fremmede mennesker på en blog. Du får da som regel støtte :)

    Får håpe at du blir bedre. Har vært mye på sykehus selv. Er ikke noe jeg syns er særlig gøy.

  7. sending pain free happy healthy thoughts your way lovely!

  8. I don't think you overshare, sharing is good and getting things out when you feel bad that be phycically or mentally helps. To share on a blog is a good thing cause it is semi anonymous, so keep on sharing the good and the bad!

    I truly hope you feel better very soon!!! It sucks ass to walk around feeling like shit!

  9. I'm sending all sorts of positive vibes your way! I hope your health situation improves and you are feeling better fast!

    On a blogger note... I think you do the right amount of sharing. You share just enough so that we all feel like we know you, which of course makes us all want you to share more because now we're concerned about you! Ha. I know what you mean about over-sharing though, that can be tiresome, especially from bloggers who do too much too often. I think your judgement is good, and you'll decide to share what you are comfortable sharing and we will all be happy with that. Also, don't worry about being "one of those" bloggers who are too personal, your blog is light, fun and interesting, the occasional dark cloud passes through all our skies, and because you're not generally a complainer, you can get away with it now, especially if you think it may make you feel better.

    Good luck!

  10. I don't think I can say anything to add to what Jessica said there. Well done! You are doing a wonderful job with your blog content so don't even worry a moment about it.

    I hope that you feel better soon, and I shall send you my feel better and good vibes too. Let us know if the doctors are able to help you out.
    I wish I were there already to help you out with the getting ready and with the convention.

    Tell Lucifer to love you a little extra from me! xoxo

  11. I agree with the last two comments! As a person who struggles with pain and med prob's, I know how it can be. I send you the most positive of thoughts, and hope you feel better soon! Take Care Doll, Janna Lynn

  12. I really hope that the pain and discomfort will leave you alone very soon and that your doctor can help you, and I certainly hope that you won't push yourself too hard and go to London.

    As for sharing personal matters with the world, that's a tricky thing, indeed. What I do is that I often write down a lot and then erase everything before clicking "post." I get kind of paranoid when I start thinking about who is actually reading... But I do think you have very good judgment.

  13. ...on a lighter note....your new shoes remind me of old fashioned ice skating boots! i love them very muchly :) x

  14. Best wishes for you and fingers crossed:)

  15. Karla, jeg er enig i at det er rart fol deler ud, også af deres mindre gode sider.
    Os med dårligt helbred kan godt føle os som nogle freaks i forvejen, og jeg har i hvert fald også sat pris på at du har åbnet op på din blog.

    Classic Copenhagen, tak, det er jeg glad for du siger.
    Nogle gange synes jeg bare ikke helt indholdet her stemmer overens med den lidt moody person jeg egentlig er, men det gør det jo ikke nødvendigvis overfladisk. Bare ikke 100% korrekt, men hvis internet-personlighed er det?

    samboy, i hope so too!

    MinusAll, thanks, i appreciate that.

    Kat Von Panda, thanks, Lucifer does look especially handsome here, doesn't he?

    Patrick B, ikke gøy overhovedet! Håber også du har det bedre.

    alice, thanks, same to you. Miss you.

    Missy Kick-A-Lot , it surely does suck ass!

    Jessica Pulse, thanks so much for your input on this, i guess i just worry too much about what other people think of me, always have. But sharing does feel good, and for that reason (and the fact that i haven't gotten any negative comments) i will keep doing it.

    Corey, i wish you were here too, i could really use a non-tattooing companion for the weekend, and you've already seen me at my worst!

    Jannalicious, thanks so much, positive thought right back at ya!

    aixxx, i write and erase a lot too! And when i write something personal that i don't erase, i always have a feeling of panic after pressing "post".
    As for London, i have to go, the tickets are bought and if i stay home, i would just lie in bed all weekend and wonder if it could have been fun. I so don't wanna go right now, but i think i'd rather regret going than not going.

    sarita, right, i thought so too! Also, they make me very tall (read=normal person height) and i love that!

    Dora, thanks:)

  16. Undskyld det delvist irrelevante svar, men det er første gang jeg besøger din blog, og kan derfor ikke kommentere på dit indlæg.

    Jeg skriver, fordi det ligner, at din varmedunk er en af dem, vi har solgt i Tiger. Hvis det er, vil jeg bare sige, at de er blevet trukket tilbage, fordi produktet havde en defekt, og derfor risikerer at sprænge, så man brændes af det varme vand. du kan gå ind i en hvilken som helst Tigerbutik og få pengene refunderet, uanset hvor længe siden du købte dunken, og om du har bonen.

    Det var bare HVIS den var derfra, ville jeg bare advare dig :)

  17. Hej Janne, det er længe siden jeg har købt dunken, men jeg tror sagtens den kunne være fra Tiger.
    Så mange tak for advarslen, selvom jeg aldrig har haft nogle problemer med den vil jeg alligevel gå ned og få pengene tilbage!