Tuesday, May 17, 2016


It says a lot about my life that i can only find time to sit down and write when i'm on holiday.

So i'm in Denmark.
I started out in Copenhagen, coming in late at night, Friday after work.
A night on Martin's couch, and breakfast with Mille.
Then a train to the countryside, with the dog and a much too heavy backpack.
I arrived in Bisserup and saw my two cousins, four nephews, brother and his wife, and my parents in the same place for the first time in... i can't actually remember?
I held my four month old nephew for the first time.
This is my family, the closest people to me, and most of the time they couldn't be further away.

I'm sitting in my parent's living room, never more than an hour away from eating or drinking something delicious.
Always close to a window with an amazing ocean view.
The eggs in the fridge comes from the chickens that are always escaping their coup to roam around the garden, and sometimes the whole town.

We've been going for walks on the beach and through the woods.
With my older nephews, i went to play on a swing and run with the three dogs.
We did hilariously disturbing faceswaps on snapchat, and watched the better part of the Eurovision Song Contest, all worried that Australia might actually win.
I was joined by my flatmate who's never been to Denmark before.
We took pictures. Actual pictures with actual cameras.
I fed the fluffy cows.
Took lots of naps.
I stuck my face into lilac bushes, inhaled deeply, only to be overwhelmed by memories from my childhood.

It's been a great trip, but not the kind that leaves you well rested, and ready to go back to real life.

It's a little emotional being with my family like this. Every time i see them, it's a new version of us.
Older, in different places in our lives.
Broken, put back together.
Some of us are missing from the picture completely, others jump from being kids to adolescents in what seems like weeks to me, cause i'm missing from the picture a little more often than the rest of them.

I think i was naively hoping that being with them would lead to some sort of epiphany about what i should do next.
I think about the future a lot, and i try not to think of the future at all.
There are so many possibilities, so many possible directions, but when i start to think of them, the limitations and obstacles pop up one by one until they've formed a solid wall between me and my possible futures. 
And then there are none.
Leaving me there, back in my adopted country, commuting between Berlin and Potsdam in some kind of German Groundhog Day.
Except unlike Bill Murray, i'm growing older, older and more rootless every day. 

Back in Berlin it's been hot lately
Like, real summer hot.
Me wearing my Nike slide sandals and shorts while walking the dog in the morning hot.
Summer dresses, and sunscreen, and sitting on the balcony hot.
I go back to that tonight.
That, and bills, and insurance issues, and being a shitty dog owner, and a worse artist, and an inadequate human being.
That and endless commuting, and occasional mind numbing loneliness, not to mention loud noises and bad smells, and...
That and one of my possible futures.

We went inside shortly after, this particular day was just too hot for the dog

I have new decorating ideas...

At a Korean restaurant where the waitress asked me and Wendy if we were aware that we had ordered three mains and a starter... we were

I only have time to work out on weekends, which i'm obviously not too happy about, but sometimes my friends join me and that's awesome

Neuk├Âlln nights

That time i brought an orchid back from the brink of death

Evening light

Lounge wear forever

Summer eating in my room

Day drinking buddy on May first

Urbex time!

Exploring an abandoned trainyard and drinking coffee on a rooftop

I won't post more of these cause i took analog photos too, and you know, they might be good!

One of the best breakfasts i've had in Berlin

Baby bat

I miss spending time here actually making stuff, and not just, you know, sleeping and eating

While lying in a park with my dog, looking up, trying not to worry

This must be an old one cause i haven't been here in a while

Lucifer and Sriracha, friends forever

My friend Shantel caught me putting on makeup before a party last weekend

The Craft Cocktail Party 

Nineties wiccan was a good theme

The morning after, flatmate slumber party in an extremely dirty apartment

My lunch break is too short, but sometimes i manage to buy a shitty sandwich and eat it by the lake

Lucifer's birthday burger

Shorts weather is the best weather

My friends' home is cooler than mine

Copenhagen has the best brunches, hands down

Bisserup beach

It was supposed to be a photo of all four nephews, but then the baby started crying and was replaced by the always trusty stunt double Lucifer

It looks all nice and summery, but actually the rain was pouring down... classic Denmark!

Gilbert on the shore

 Julius, also known as the reason my next trip to Denmark has already been booked