Thursday, February 25, 2016

Things i wanted to tell you

- When i got up this morning the hamster had escaped!
She was just sitting on the cabinet outside her cage, contemplating her next move.
When she saw me, she looked like she knew she was so busted.
My first instinct was to take a picture and send it to you, but then i remembered...
So instead i put her back in the cage, taped the door shut, and left for work.

-At work i deleted all the article drafts i had written under someone else's name, because you were right.
It was good work, and i should get the credit for it.
So now i'm writing my articles in Word, and saving them on my computer until i get my own login.

-Found out that The Guardian isn't blocked at work!
The first headline i saw said:
"Penguins on a treadmill
Fat ones fall over more often than slim ones, study finds"
I wanted to send you the link.

-Tried to hi-five my older colleague, but it turned into a weird mix between a lo-five and an awkward handshake.
So i just don't think the Friday Feierabend fist bump we talked about is gonna happen.

-In the middle of the day it hit me that i'll never get to see your reaction, when you find out who the last Cylons are on Battlestar Galactica.
I always imagined you being so surprised that you'd start jumping up and down on the couch, screaming, and possibly injuring me in the process.

-I wanted to tell you... i wanted to tell you that i wrote something on my phone about you, after we went to that concert movie.
And that i should have read it to you back when it still mattered.

Excerpt from an entry in the iPhone journal, back in January:

"I had so many thoughts while watching the movie. 
About life and art and people and music.
And about Patrick.
About how I look at him with such happiness and pride. 
That I get to be with him.
I won't get to keep him, we don't get to keep anything in life, but now...
Right now, the joy of looking at him when we're out, I can't help but smile. 
A big goofy smile.
Sometimes I underestimate his effect on me, cause I've been caught up in negativity for so long.
This is someone who sees me, and motivates me, and goes to great lengths to give me great experiences.
That's worth all the other stuff.
That makes all the other stuff shrink into almost nothing."

But the other stuff wasn't nothing.
For either of us.

Office stilleben

Chasing sunsets

I couldn't believe the weather this morning... classic Berlin, never one to give you a break when you need it


  1. This has left me with a hole. A hole that is already within me, lurking. Lurking at all times. It feels real and all I want to do now is give you a hug and tell you, the struggle is real. And once again, while reading your blog and words, I feel like it hits right home. I know its always different for everyone but once again I can relate.
    Thank you. <3

    1. No, thank you, your comment came at a time when i really needed it :)

  2. Åh, dit søde menneske.
    Bare et lille klem. Jeg sender dig tit en tanke, og håber at du i det specifikke øjeblik oplever noget dejligt.
    Jeg er en fremmed, der kun 'kender dig' herindefra. Men du bor en lillebitte smule inde i mit hjerte.

    Kh HemmeLine

    1. Årh du er sød. 1000 tak for din kommentar, og fordi du gider følge med i mit liv :)