Saturday, July 18, 2015

Backup dreams

From the iPhone journal, a while back:

This morning i had a weird realization.
I'm at a place in my life where i've already had everything most of the people around me are working towards.
The marriage, the house, the business.
A car.
Not the babies, obviously, but the possibility of family nonetheless.
Had it, lost it.
That supposed dream life everyone is striving to achieve is already behind me, leaving me with a strange uncertainty... where am i supposed to go from here?
What's my new goal, do i even have dreams of my own?
I wasn't prepared, no one warned me.
No one told me that i needed to have backup dreams.

I think this, me not knowing, or not wanting the same things i did before, sometimes makes it hard for people to relate to me.
Single people don't understand why i'm not actively searching for "true love".
And married people feel uncomfortable around me, because i remind them that everything they have can fall apart at any time.

I don't know what i'm supposed to be, and when people ask, i still don't know what to answer.
I used to have all the answers.

So we got a new hamster!
Yeah, bet you didn't even know there were old hamsters, cause they were Wendy's and i didn't blog about them much.
But anyway, they both died, which was of course very sad.
They both had lovely funerals at the local park, though.
There were flowers and speeches, good stuff.
We waited a few days, but then decided that living in a hamster-free home was just too damn sad, so we got ourselves a new one.
It's a gold hamster, her name is Sriracha, and she's adorable.
And a little bitey, but we're working on that.
I'm gonna post pictures of her soon, but i kinda wanna wait until she's tame enough to hold.
We're working on that too.

Actually, i think that's my new dream.
To become one of those pet-people whose animal gets super instagram famous, and all of a sudden they have a book deal and go on TV and shit.
Yes. The hamster will eventually pay the bills.
That's what i'll tell people from now on.

These pictures might be even older than the journal entry.
They're from my trip to New York in April, to be more specific.
Not the best ones, or i would have put them in this post, but since i'm only halfway through my current film, Brooklyn, Brooklyn, more Brooklyn, and a view of Manhattan from the ferry is what you get!

1 comment:

  1. Ha, I LOVE that you remind me of the fragility of my marriage, our business, our home. Because you show that there is a life beyond that. The thought, that these things might fall apart scares the shit out of me. But you inspire me with confidence: Even IF this fails, it will hurt but it won't kill me.
    And there might be hamsters and awesome roommates ;)

    I don't think you always need to know, what you're supposed to be. These things change throughout our lives anyway. Having all the answers is nice, but it's having questions what makes us grow.

    I enjoy reading your iPhone journal entries, keep 'em coming! Feel hugged.