I was depressed.
Like, without the anxiety, which i haven't had much of this year, thank god, just depressed.
The can't-get-out-of-bed-cries-for-no-reason kind of depressed.
I don't feel like that often, but it is winter and it is dark and i am a sensitive girl, so when things don't go my way, i guess it's only natural that i get sad.
But i didn't start writing a blog post about being sad, because, well, that's no fun!
I started writing this because my day got better, and because i have something on my mind.
See, i went on a journey last night. A journey that took me and Lucifer outside the city, by public transportation, no less (which by the way is crazy expensive, but that's a rant i won't bore you with here) to my brothers house where we were to properly meet my new nephew!
Little Gilbert (again, such a badass name) was asleep when we got there, and stayed that way for hours, but that was fine; he was still cute to look at, and it gave Lucifer a chance to play with Carla, and me a chance to hang out with my family. But after we'd had dinner, they finally woke him up, and boy did he get even cuter!
He was farting and pooping (loud pooping!) and sneezing and crying and making faces and all those things i assume babies normally do, that i am only now finding interesting.
And i got to hold him; something i have been looking forward to ever since he arrived.
It's weird, all of a sudden finding a baby interesting (seriously, those tiny feet are just amazing and weird and amazing!), and i don't think many girls my age would be able to sit with one that she's that closely related to without wondering... is this for me? Do i see this in my future?
I don't usually write about anything that personal... i mean, of course i write about personal stuff all the time, but to me this is like a whole other level of personal, but i'm mentioning it anyway because i am sick of people asking.
No, i am sick of people thinking it's ok to ask.
"So, when are you two gonna have some babies" is a question i have been asked by countless friends, relatives, co-workers and, oddly enough, mostly complete strangers, pretty much since the day me and Allan got married, and i have resented it every time.
What makes people think that's an ok question to ask someone?
Do you also ask strangers about their salary, medical history, whether they have an embarrassing rash, what their favorite sexual position is, if they fight a lot with their partner, if they're scared of death?
Maybe, but i sure as hell don't and i've never been asked any of those questions by a stranger, so it can't be that common. But the baby one is.
I often wonder how i would feel if i was infertile and someone asked me, in that annoying playful tone of theirs, if it isn't about time we had some kids?
Cause they don't know, do they?
I could be. For all they know, we could have been trying for years with no luck, and they could ask me that, and i could die a little on the inside every time, and i would probably go home and cry and feel like an incomplete human being, just because some stranger doesn't grasp the concept of smalltalk.
It could very well be a touchy subject, and in some ways, in my marriage, it is.
One of us is deeply undecided and confused, and the other one would be happier if the subject of children never came up again, ever. So as you can maybe guess, that question has given us some awkward moments over the years. Moments we've then been forced to share with people we don't know.
Which is just great, right?
Yeah, everyone loves having an awkward private moment in public!
So, i guess what i'm trying to say, on behalf of myself and all my childless sisters* out there, is...
it's none of your fucking business!
I don't like it when people assume i'm gonna have kids, and i think it's equally offensive when they assume i'm not gonna have kids (maybe even more because, hey, nice of you to call me old, asshole!)
Maybe it's just the reckless assumption-making that's pissing me off?
But somehow i think not.
In conclusion; people need to mind their own business.
Ok, angry rant over, back to Gilbert!
He really was a sweet and mellow little dude, who by the way looks so much like my brother as a baby it's freaky, and i really hope i'll get to see him again soon.
Those little suckers change and grow so fast and i don't wanna miss it just because we don't like in the same city anymore.
And you guys, i am gonna buy so much crap for this guy in Japan!
Getting his diaper changed was no fun
Being held by grandma, on the other hand, was totally fine
Gilbert in various stages of consciousness... and Gilbert sneezing!
*This goes out to all the single girls too. Although i have been married since forever, i understand just how sucky it must feel to be asked why you're still not in a relationship, like that's anyones business.
But i know that sadly, this is kind of a common question too.