Friday, February 4, 2011

Ready to start

I've been wanting to do a "real" blog post for a while.
An honest rant-y one like the ones i used to write all the time, but i haven't had the time or the motivation.
Well, i think i finally found both.

A couple of days ago i decided that it was time to go back to the start of my blog and re-size my photos.*
All of them.
The size they have now doesn't really work with the new template, and bigger photos just look nicer.
I realize that it'd be much easier to just let past posts be in the past and start from the next post instead, but sadly, that's not how i work.
For me, that'd be like changing the font in the middle of a post, another thing i'll never do, and that only leaves the hard way.
It's probably gonna take forever, but i'm not rushing it, in fact, i'm enjoying this little forced trip down memory lane quite a bit. It almost feels like i'm reconnecting with the person who just couldn't wait to get home and blog about her day, the person who loved writing long, honest, rant-y posts, and although i still enjoy blogging very much, it's been a while since i've been that excited about it. I wanna be that person again.

I've been noticing lots of weird and wonderful things while going through the 2008 posts, but two things really got to me.
One positive and one slightly negative, and i wanna rant about those.

The negative:
Oh my god, how and when did i get so fat?!**
Ok, i wasn't all that surprised, but seeing the photographic evidence still gave me quite a shock.
I have of course noticed baggy pants turn into skinny jeans lately, so it's not a complete surprise, but seriously, it was like looking at before/after pictures, and right now i'm a before.
I was so skinny back then, and seeing as how i'm always much happier when i'm slim, i desperately wanna get back to looking and feeling like that.
I've been thinking of solutions for some time now, but seeing those pictures have made me feel like i need to speed things up a bit.
I live a pretty healthy life, but my problem is that i loathe exercising*** and i can't stand going to the gym.
For a while i actually thought i'd found my "thing" with Pilates, but as with all the other "things" i've tried, it didn't last.
I enjoyed the exercises so much, and the trainer was amazing, but i just can't stand making plans, having to be somewhere at a certain time, and i can't stand working out in a room full of strangers.
But the first thing mostly.
Having to go out, ride my bike somewhere at a certain time even though i may not feel like it, will completely kill my enthusiasm.

So, as you can probably guess, i've been feeling pretty bummed about not being able to find something that works for me (and believe me, i've considered some crazy shit) and then it hit me.
I've been going about it all wrong.
I didn't go to a gym in 2008, which must mean that i already have my thing.
I work out at home. Always have, and that's the only exercise regime i've ever been able to stick with, and the only one that's ever worked for me. So why did i ever stop doing that, and why did i start looking for someplace to go do what i can so easily do in my living room?
I don't know, but my best guess is that it's a misguided attempt at being "normal", and doing the normal thing that i imagine normal people do.
As stupid as that sounds, i do this sometimes. I get insecure and want to be like everyone else, want to not be socially awkward and uncomfortable, and to prove that i can do that, i'll start doing something i don't really enjoy doing, just to prove to myself that i can.
Silly, but we all do stupid things from time to time.
So, after realizing that i was going about it all wrong, i've started working out at home again, and although i'm starting slow with some very simple exercises (seriously, i am so out of shape), i'm feeling better already. Sore, but better. And relieved.

Now to the positive:
Both my writing and picture taking skills have improved dramatically since the beginning of this blog.
And so has my picture editing and photoshop skills, come to think of it.
Granted, my camera equipment has improved quite a bit as well, but seriously, my pictures are so much nicer now than in the beginning, and my sentences generally make a lot more sense.
I almost get a little embarrassed looking at older post with their grainy and blurry shots en masse and dumb observations and typos, but i'm trying to turn my initial shame into something a little more positive and constructive. Something resembling pride.
I like how my pictures and my blog looks now, so who cares how i got here, right?
And it's nice to once again see that blogging isn't just a narcissistic waste of time and space, it's actually quite rewarding and educational too.

Since i have done nothing much besides cuddling with my boys all day, the picture of the day will have to be from a few days ago (cause you know i can't stand a post with no pictures)


Sorry if the wordiness of this post got a little too much. I won't be the least bit offended if i lost you somewhere in the middle!

*This would also explain any ghost-posts that may turn up in your feed every now and then.
So fear not, i didn't actually leave my phone at the shop!

**Please don't overreact to this, i know i'm not fat-fat, but i am bigger than i should be, in all the wrong places. Trust me, i see me naked way more than you do.

*** Also, i love cake. And chips. That just might be a factor too.

10 comments:

  1. I have a really hard time working out at home because I feel like a weirdo, I'm always like "oh here I am in my living room, doing squats, isn't that weird?" and I psyche myself out.

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  2. I feel the exact same way about exercising as you but then I discovered Zumba dvds that I can do at home! You should try it, it's so much fun! By the way, I live in New York City and stumbled upon your blog one day and have been hooked since!

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  3. congratulations on the new lease on blogging. i happen to think your blog was always worthy, but for different reasons. As one becomes more *sophisticated* about something, it is better in certain ways, just as the raw talent and unlearned enthusiasm is the glue at the beginning. It was always a gem. Still is.
    aimee

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  4. I love this blog entry and completely understand about the 'then' and 'now' feeling. I was looking through some photos taken 2 years ago and immediately felt like shit because of weight gain/change in shape. Your post made smile :o) & feel a bit better. X

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  5. hey - i know it's all about what WE think about ourselves, and how confident we are, but i really think you're gorgeous now, more than ever!:] i know a copliment does not make any difference, but still..
    (i feel the same way about myself, and i always think that i should lose "those 7 kilos i took these years", and all this is really becoming an obsession, doesn't letting us be ok with ourselves. personally, if i were like you, i'd be reeeeally really happy!hahah!) cheers from greece :]

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  6. Hi Amalie. Thanks for the inspiration. Just haven't had much interest in checking deeper into Blogger. But after reading your post I decided to improve mine as well, just a little facelift kinda. Bigger images (won't go all the way back however!) from now on, maybe some new gadgets soon as well to boost morale and get it all on the right keel again. Best to Allan...and Zsa zsa..Zzz Zzz?!

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  7. Altså, jeg synes du er smuk! Men ved også godt at det handler om at være tilpas i sin egen krop..

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  8. I work out at home too! simply because just getting to the gym seems so much effort (possibly the wrong attitude there ha)!
    Also, just want to let you know how awesome your blog is :) x

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  9. nova, i don't mind feeling like a weirdo at home. Now, in public? Not a fan.

    Emily Aurore, i have no idea what Zumba is, but with a name like that it must be fun. Let's Zumba! Yeah! Thanks for the tip!

    aimee, that's very sweet of you, thanks.

    Spinal Lou, happy to help!

    kaede, thanks, you're very kind! We will always be works in progress i guess, but at least feeling healthy should be within reach, right?

    mwcp japan-Straight edge Photography-, i just checked the blog, the new layout looks great!
    I'll tell at least one of those people you said hey, haha!

    Hella J , pjat!

    fie, taaak, og ja, det handler om at ha' det godt med sig selv. Og det skal jeg nok snart få igen!

    Grace, thanks so much, i'm glad you like it!
    And i don't know about the wrong attitude, since that's how i feel too. Getting out of the house to jump around on a mat in front of strangers dressed in spandex just isn't for everyone!

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