That's a question i've been struggling with ever since the start of this blog.
I want this blog to be somewhat personal; if it's not personal then it's of no use to me and i might as well stop.
But i want to keep at least a part of my life private.
So much information is out there, about most of us, and sometimes it's a little too much.
I like reading about other peoples lives and personal experiences, but if it gets too personal, it can get distasteful.
And if it gets too shallow, as i fear this blog is too sometimes, it gives people the wrong impression of what your life is really like.
In my opinion.
In short, i wanna share, but i don't wanna be an oversharer.
That sentiment was really put to the test this winter, when i was going through one of the hardest times in my life, physically and emotionally.
I remember needing to vent about my fears, but i decided to not share anything until after the surgery.
And even when i posted about my second time in the hospital that week, i was careful not to get into any gross or traumatizing details.
And as far as i remember, this is the first time i've ever really gotten into how bad i felt, for months after the surgery.
How it wasn't till this summer that i could sleep on the left side of my body again, how i actually never thought i'd get the feeling back in my left ear until one day it just came back, or how much i really fucking hate when people ask about my still very ugly, very visible scar.
Well, now i'm here again, wondering if sharing will make things better or worse?
If the world really needs more of me whining about my health, or if it's just bringing down the overall cheerful tone of this blog?
I don't know, but here goes.
Without getting into the gross details, as usual, i had this... procedure done two weeks ago.
That was pretty neutral, right?
Anyway, it was supposed to minor, but with me, nothing ever is.
I immediately experienced side effects and complications i had no idea excised, and it has made the last two weeks pretty difficult.
And this Saturday the complications seemed to go from bad to worse.
I spent hours just lying on the couch, in pain, unable to do anything, and the exact same thing happened Sunday.
Now, this would be bad enough during a normal work week, but this is the week we're going to London.
Something that's giving me enough anxiety without the prospect of being sick there too.
Conventions in general are pretty stressful for me already, because of my existing health issues, and believe me when i say that i really don't need the added stress of this new thing, whatever it is.
For once, i wish i could just go to a convention and just be there, and be excited about seeing friends and hanging out, and not worry about my crappy body.
Right now i'm at home.
I just talked to the doctor i've been seeing, and they squeezed me in between patients tomorrow morning, so now i'm just hoping that they can do something to ease the pain and make this coming weekend something that i can look forward to, and not dread.
This thing was my bestest friend yesterday... i hope i won't need it today
This awesome shot happened because he tried to get in between me and the shoes, so he could lick my ear
There they are, tall, but surprisingly comfortable (better picture here)
If only i could take Lucifer to London with me.
Or stay home.
Goddammit, i hope this works out before Thursday.