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Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Girl talk

To be honest, i've never been much of a girl's girl.
As a kid, sure, but in my adult life, i always wanted to be, but instead i always had boyfriends, and boys that were friends, and after a while, i guess i started to feel not 100% comfortable with other women, save for maybe a few trusted longtime girlfriends.
I mean, i like clothes and shoes and girly shit as much as the next person, but the female group dynamic always felt awkward and sometimes too competitive to me.
Mostly awkward, though, and the awkwardness was mostly provided by me, i'm sure!

For years i secretly envied other women's close circles, and i often felt alone in a sea of girlfriend-couples when i was out shopping or walking around Copenhagen by myself.
And of course there's the fact that i was also married to a dude, who was my best friends for so many years, and for a long time i didn't feel like really needed other friendships than that one.
Obviously, that's all changed now!
And actually for the better.

When news of the breakup got out, i got such overwhelming support from other women, both on the internet and in real life.
On the internet, they posted sweet and supportive comments, sent me messages telling me how good i was doing, and just generally cheered me on.
The fact that most of my posts were all of a sudden half naked selfies didn't even seem to bother anyone!
I've always had awesome internet friends, so i wasn't surprised that they were being sweet and supportive, but the amount of people who cared, and the sincerity of their emails and comments were still overwhelming.

But the real surprise for me was the friends i've made in real life since becoming single.
And the most surprising thing was probably that these friends,  these awesome people, were already in my life to begin with, i'd just been too caught up in couple-life to fully notice.
The friends i've made after i became more open and aware, which i sooo wasn't before, they make time to hang out with me, even though they're all in happy relationships.
And even though they would maybe sometimes rather be on the couch with their man, they still say yes pretty much whenever i wanna go shopping, or have a craft night, or go for cocktails. Or whatever other stupid idea i throw out there!

As women we often get told that we're bitchy and catty, and that we're each others worst enemies, and i'd just like to take a moment to call bullshit.
No friendships are drama free, especially not if you're a big group of friends that all know each other, but i often see more boy shit than girl shit amongst my friends.
Or at least just as much!
The girlfriends i've made since opening up to getting to know people are fucking awesome, smart, creative, and just as offensive and hilarious as any guy friend i've ever had, and even though they're not all gonna last forever, cause hey, nothing does, i'm still super grateful for having them at all.

Sorry for the rant, but i guess with this post i'm just trying to say thanks?
Going from being half of the most twosomest of twosomes, to being on my own for the first time in many years, would have been really hard without this rather huge support system i never even knew i had!




Spring! I want every day to be like this one...

Flea market finds from a few weeks ago (yes, those records are already in the house, but i need to start building up my own Bruce collection now!)

Guest room peek

I baked some weird paleo-ish bread, and it was actually pretty good!
I should make more...

This is Beatrix, she came to stay with us for a few days while her humans were out of town

Shop selfie, just because

Coolest bookstore in Schöneberg?

Yellow legs that should have been yellow pants

Finally some daylight in my apartment

Books at Boxhagener Platz, my new favorite Sunday spot
 

Last Sunday i found this awesome globe, and i'm already a little sad that i won't have time to go this Sunday

One of my most favorite people, Nick, is here and staying in my apartment, but he hasn't been the only visitor... Jon came to stay for a week and brought three other awesome new friends!

I hadn't seen this guy in 5 years, but it felt more like 5 months

I've wanted these for so long, but because i stole the idea from Jon, he was the only guy for the (very quick) job!

The shop has had so many guest artists recently too, which means... bars... i'm ok with that, though, Berlin bars are pretty cool (apart from the indoor smoking, obviously)

Cocktails + secondhand smoke unfortunately means massive hangovers, and this was taken during a pretty brutal one


At another cool bar with awesome ladies the very next day


But most nights it's just me and this guy on the couch... we finally gave up on Breaking Bad (sorry friends who love it!) and started Community


Oh yeah, and on Monday i went from this....

..... to this!
I have another appointment in 6 weeks where i'll hopefully go even lighter....
i'm expecting at least a 20% increase in fun being had!

My weight loss has been kind of stagnant recently, probably because i've had to eat out more?
But i'm still working out every morning, and slowly getting super strong, as i'm sure you can tell!


Speaking of twosomes, i am in no hurry to part of anything like that again. Not anytime soon.
I've realized how quickly i used to rebound my way into a new relationship, and how super fucking unhealthy that was.
I remember the last time i was single (well, barely, cause that was a long ass time ago!) i was basically miserable and couldn't wait to find a man to validate my existence.
This time around is so completely different, cause i don't feel broken and i know my own worth.
I know that i'm awesome, and i really don't need a man around to remind me all the time.*

And i'm discovering that living alone is pretty great!
Even just getting up in the morning, doing my workouts, making myself breakfast, or hanging out in my apartment by myself at night, just regular normal stuff for other people, feels all special to me, because i've never actually done it before without the sadness.
And feeling good about being alone more than makes up for the few obvious things i'm missing out on!

*I am over my man-hating phase now, though! Not that it lasted very long, but it's still good to be back to liking dudes.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Cold flashbacks

Hey, i finally got a film back!
Two actually, but as i looked at the pictures, i realized that i found them rather gloomy, actually.
Which they're not! It's just that everything is so spring-like and awesome now, and these are so... winter.
And i am officially over the cold.
I'm still in layers, but it's optimistic denim jacket-and-hoodie type layers now.
I know, i am so totally gonna catch a cold.

I've had some busy weeks and the house has been full of friends. It's been awesome!
And i'm still eating healthy, going to yoga, getting the occasional tattoo, going to shows, working lots, and just basically enjoying spring.
I can't wait for it to be warmer, so i can sit outside and drink coffee, and ride my bike everywhere!
Sorry for all the exclamation points, but life is pretty good.

I'll try to do some hopefully not too sad looking posts from these recent films, and then i better start bringing my camera out with me more often, so this blog can get a taste of spring too.

These pictures are from January when Young and Rasmus were visiting.
I don't miss the cold, but i do miss them.










Saturday, March 1, 2014

Happy place

So last week i did something amazing and very out of character for (the old) me, and bought myself a ticket to Tokyo.
In April, i will be going to Japan all by myself, and the best thing is that i'm not even scared.
Old me would have pooped her pants buying that ticket, possibly literally, but i just felt fucking awesome!
I think... no, i know, that i actually squealed with joy as i got the confirmation email, and there may have been some dancing around the shop too (luckily i was alone!).
I never imagined being capable of doing something like this, but i am, and i will, and i can't wait. 
Tokyo, especially in spring, is my happy place, my Narnia, my bounty beach, and it's been too long.
So yeah, i just wanted to share that with you, and tell you to get ready for weeks of Japan picture goodness!
Oh, and i get to see Paris on the way home! How fucking great is that?

I'm pretty excited about March too, by the way, in case March was feeling left out.
Good friends visiting, interesting projects coming up, and more spring.
Oh, spring.

The rest of this post is basically just pictures, cause i'm half asleep, and also in the middle of a Breaking Bad marathon.*
They're not very good pictures, i'm afraid, cause those are still in my camera and on a roll of film on my desk, but pictures, nonetheless.
You may notice that the post is a little heavy on the self portraits, and while that might come off as a bit narcissistic to some, i've come to realize that it's healthy to love yourself a little extra, when suddenly finding yourself single! 
And also, i'm actually really proud of the fact that i am already able to fit into all of my old clothes, so what the hell, while i'm doing shit that's uncharacteristic of me, why not throw a little bragging in the mix!
I don't wanna bore you guys too much with my health and fitness crap, though, but i might post about it in the future.
Just a little. Consider yourselves warned!

So, the last few weeks in pictures. Go!



 Wandering around Brighton on my own, on one of the few days the weather was nice

The pier was windy, but pretty, still

The best part about the convention? Awesome gym and pool in the hotel basement!

Ugh, black hats are hard to capture, but i like how this turned out, and i wanna do more weird in-the-face bead work, i think

Awesome sightseeing day with awesome people, and uhm, yeah, i do levitate, if you were wondering 

Sun in my bedroom makes me oh so happy

 Yellow pants i ordered from Etsy ages ago... they come with a matching jacket, that makes me look like an absolute idiot, but i kinda dig it

The day i booked my ticket, i was totally euphoric and slightly caffeinated, and way happier than i appear in this photo

Last Sunday at a bad café with a good book

But shortly after i discovered a really good café!

Take away macchiato and a crusty looking hand, because oh yeah, i got my fucking hand tattooed at a convention, and i never get tattooed at conventions!
But more about that when it's healed enough to get a pretty picture!

Lucifer, male model

I've been doing some redecorating, which is hard when everything is almost perfect the way it is, but i think i've still managed to make it more... me

All of my cacti live in the bedroom now, and i think they like it

This is what working out every single fucking day since mid January has gotten me so far!
I've been skinnier and i've been prettier, but i've never appreciated my body before... now i make sure to focus on what i've already accomplished, instead of beating myself up over
the parts that still need work. 
Also, i'm so happy these pants fit me again, cause they're like my favorites!
 

 Finished painting number two of two new guest rooms last night... i like this color better than the first one!

These guys started blooming this morning... i love spring


*Seriously, i'm on season 2 and still not really into it.
When does it get good?

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Christmas in Bisserup part 2

Thank for all the sweet and positive comments on my last blog post.
It's a touchy subject, and i know it's hard to think of the right thing to say, but everyone who's commented, both on the blog and in person, have been kind and respectful.
So thanks for that, all of your words and thoughts mean so much to me.

So yeah, back to normal blogging?
I'm really not too stoked about posting "then" pictures, cause the "now" feels much more positive to me, but i really like these photos i took in Bisserup over Christmas, so i'll post them anyway.
Don't worry, it's not all beaches and boats, there are pictures of people too... and cows, obviously!

Last night i got back from working a convention in Brighton, so maybe i'll soon be posting some pictures of, well, the beach.
It was an ok trip, but it's so damn good to be home.
I'm really loving the smell of spring in the Berlin air these days.
And i missed my special little guy, of course.